Beancurd_Toy

2007-03-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

The disciplined acheives. The determined succeed.

Like Naruto, Hardworking and determined. Awaiting recognition.

After a year, turning round and round. I'm back to the same spot. Nothing changed, but a hole on my head is what we see. I chose and I tried. Only to see more disappointments. No one to blame. Move on.

The desire has not gone away. Its just vague. But soon, it'll be back. Burning.

New job, new start. But, just like another stepping stone. Acceptance more then satisfied. At least, for the time being.

Fighting for the opportunity that was lost many many years back. Studying all over again. To repay or its just another opportunity to grab.

Failure is another lesson learnt for people who has yet to succeed.

2006-10-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

for benji

love,
gracie.

A Much Needed Trip

2006-06-21T04:57:00.000+08:00

Stress, short-temper. I need the sea, sand and sun badly.

I'm leaving home soon for Tioman. A trip we needed most to unwind to our hectic work and school life. Its best for me to rest and stop stressing with my job, at least for awhile.

I'm looking forward to our 1st trip traveling together overseas and my 1st trtip travelling without my parents. Its gonna be fun, i swear!

New Pony Canvas Shoes

2006-03-19T14:32:00.001+08:00

2 pairs of sneakers, 7 hansaplast!

Blistered feets. A couple limping down the streets...

Seeing her for the 1st time with shoes. She looks good and i love it! I simply love her with sneakers... *grin*

Updated... at last

2006-01-15T21:06:00.000+08:00

I should get my ass off and start blogging... its becoming so bloody stagnant. Not updated for almost 2 months...

1 last deployment @Exxon Mobil Refinery, ORD parade and followed by an ORD dinner... Till then i can start clearing my leave and do the final countdown. The days seems harder to get by when its getting nearer and nearer... 46 days! Just can't wait for that day...

Since i've got a job offer already, i'll start work immediately once i ORD. Life should be better by then. Unless i'm not good enough to strive...

Working at Queensway today. Damn bloody crowded... but can't be compared to the crowd 2 years ago. Terry called a few days back asking me to help him out for the CNY period. Only able to work today since i'll be deploying @EMR for 2 weeks till the 2nd day of CNY. Alittle unfamiliar with the stocks, feeling abit lost but guess its not much a problem. Thinking of the extra allowance makes me smiling the whole day at least =)

Feeling wonderful for the past 2 months. Just a short 2 months...

Earthquake Cheese with Original's juice
Esplanade's mince meat noodle
Staying in watching VCDs
The photo takings
Taking walks, Shopping around but never got anything
Her way of describing how wonderful and delicious the food is
2006 countdown
And our X'mas:)

Just being with her makes me feel so wonderful. Perhaps, this time round i say i'm really in it. I'm intoxicated too ;)

Loving and being love... *happy and contented*

Gotta run!! Gonna be late booking in to camp... again:p

Why Did I?

2005-11-20T03:26:00.000+08:00

Often, i wondered how much i've grown over the years. Regret is the word often i hate to use... too much i've gone through these years... the many questions, doubt about life and love.

Lack of confidence brought me to spoil the sweetness of it. If only i kept the known all to myself... it lives to become a perfect fantasy. Only if i had...

Hoping... i look forward to what i've been waiting...

I learn to realise the quote ' the greatest thing in life, is to love and be loved'. Learn to understand it, and feeling it personally.

Years of waiting and still waiting patiently.

Leave ends... goes back camp!

2005-11-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

Exams over, still tired. Body aching all over and to bear the fact that i'm going back camp later... thats something not to be happy about. 14 hours of sleep really makes me feel much better after so many days of insufficient sleep.

Stuff needed back to camp are still left unpacked... my bedsheets and quilt cover stinks from the left over smoke. Been smoking excessively in my room. I'm really contradicting myself to say i hate the smell although i'm a smoker myself. Whatever~! Have to get my stuff packed soon... and to get my bedsheets and quilt cover washed later so it'll get dry before my next book out.

Been to mum's stall to help out on Saturday morning. It was rather busy, and somehow i've come to decide that i'll go help her out at the stall every weekend morning as long as i can wake up. Until her business starts to make profit and affort part-timers... she has been complaining alot lately. I'll help her save some expenses :) *tofu_toy becomes douhua_boy* ewww..!!

Unwanted Call

2005-11-10T06:33:00.000+08:00

I'm really pissed off right now. Look at the time now... I've set my alarm clock to 9 in the morning before i slept at 2 last night. Hoping that i would study when i wakes up. All thanks to an asshole! A campmate i hated!

I fucking thank you right here for disturbing my sleep! Calling me 3+ in the morning just for some lame shite! I'm saying right here to YOU i'm not obligated to help YOU and therefore, this is the last time i'm gonna help you(since i've already helped). You lost $$$ in soccer betting in the name of greed, serve you right! But thats got nothing to do with me. I really regret helping you. It makes me look so stupid!

I really wonder what should i do right now... i'm dead beat but yet i can't sleep. Been rolling in bed for hours but just could'nt sleep. Just as i'm typing this post, my handphone rang again... ITS HIM! Can't he just let me off? Or can't he not take me for granted? Damnit! I'm not gonna answer anyway...

Sometimes i wonder... am i too nice? even to people i detest...?

It does'nt do me good helping lame people over something that got nothing to do with me. I swear!

Really not in the right mood now... Leave me alone!

A strong felt misses

2005-10-30T03:46:00.000+08:00

They are leaving... tonite. A trip to Taiwan for a 2 1/2 weeks training. Overseas training was what i hoped for ever since i was in Army. No matter how people described the training are going to be, tedious, its still what i hoped for. How many times in life can you go overseas? Not for pleasure, but for training? Climbing up a 70 degrees elevated mountain to hit an objective, sweating out together, shag out together. Puffing a single stick of cigerette with a group of bonded people. I miss the days where we were out in the jungle... I really miss them.

I still remember the days of the field camps we went. Its deep inside me. The days were over, since a long time ago.

My papers are getting nearer... 2 weeks leave isn't enough. I'm tired. Worn out. Physically and mentally. I'm not pushing myself hard enough. I'm lethargic somehow. But i still gotta do it. I went so far, I gave up the Taiwan trip for it. I must push myself harder. I'll try...

Just hoping for the handful of inconsiderate people, not to play me out within this short period of time. Don't take MC please! I don't want to be called back to camp for being a guard reserve. I need you people's help. I need time desperately. Lets just hope...

Utterly Disappointed

2005-10-16T03:42:00.000+08:00

Never was life fair, and never will it be. Some people are alive simply because it is against the law to eliminate them. Abusing their power on helpless people. The ugliness of human can never be concealed!

SAF 7 CORE VALUES:
1- Loyalty To Country
2- Leadership
3- Discipline
4- Professionalism
5- Fighting Spirits
6- Ethics
7- Care For Soldier
I still remember them. We have to recite them every water parades. Even though its been many months since i last recited it as a trainee.

Does a Commissioned Officer show enough PROFESSIONALISM when he simply charge a lowly ranked soldier only based on an one sided story? Where are the ETHICS? Believing only to a Warrant Officer without even looking into the matter? The understanding to the matter was not even clear. Framing me of using the handphone while on duty and not allowing for an explanation when i obviously was just checking the time. Was that a right thing to do? Without given chances to even explain myself. E-mails starts firing to all Branches and Company, receiving unwanted 'fame' overnight. How GREAT~! These conspiracy convinced me that army are not worth a single respect at all!

Tried all ways to explain myself, only to find my efforts gone to drain. Charge decided, without even giving an 'accused' a chance to speak up for himself. ETHICS? PROFESSIONALISM? My ASS! Change the Core Values People...

I'm utterly disappointed with the ugliness of these people. Having to swallow the defamation helplessly, simply because of the diffference of rank. The only help from my OC and CSM are to fight to lighten the charge even when they are convinced by me after listening to both sides of the story, they can't help much either. A Camp Commadant, a Lieutanent-Colonel, have far too much over-powered them. To go on fighting this case for myself seem redundant. Will CO believe what i say when i'm only a lowly ranked Private? Remember the conspiracy? If i'm not able to convince my CO, my charge doubled! Thinking of my oncoming exams, I chose not to take the risk to pursue and to swallow it real hard!

Well, its not as bad as being send to DB. Its a minor offence anyway. It leaves no record as well. 7days Stoppage of Leave(SOL) is short, but not in the case when you are framed. I'm trying to be nonchalant to this matter as i'm slowly seeing the greater picture of human mankind. The ugliness that is. I don't deny there are nice people around, just a handful of asshole do these despicable acts. I'll learn, learning day by day... till the day i'm enlightened.

2weeks in camp, i'll make good use of it to study real hard. *hopefully*

21st Birthday...

2005-10-10T12:33:00.000+08:00

Saturday was fun... The initial plannings was alil troublesome though. Was @Dbl O. Everyone was so nice. The non-clubbers joined and the non-dancers danced. Alil red wine and beer settles the night with some cheeky dances. Thx you people for keeping me entertained that night! And Gracie... Thx for the present too! So thoughful of you:)

Was @Holland Village with Candice last night. Never did she ever forget my birthday ever since i started working for her. I remindered her many times not to buy me anything this year... she went ahead instead and bought me an Ellesse watch. It's so mean of me telling her i don't like the brand! Look how bad i can be*evil grin* But truthfully, I love the watch and afterall its a thought that counts. Thx you Candice!

Thx to the people who messaged me last night. You people did'nt forget my birthday! Haha...

Mum is buying me a necklace for my birthday. But i told her to buy some other time since she just started her soya bean business. All the machines and rental cost a bomb. I won't be wearing it anyway, just some memorial purpose. My brother have a necklace from mum on his 21st. It seems like its a tradition in our family. A symbol that marks 21.

Sadly to say, I'm going back camp today! A hard fought 1/2 day off is better then nothing. But i definitely won't mind longer offs:)

Here, in my own blog, I wish myself a Happy 21st Birthday! :)

Numb and painful

2005-09-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

Was in town today. Alone. Puffing my fag at the back of heeren, the ground floor of the office tower. While my mind wonders no where.

Feeling pain, anaesthesia subsides, and the pain sets in. Got 3 tooth extracted today. 1 on the top left, 2 on the lower, 1 on each side. Braces will be placed on my lower jaw in another 2 weeks time. Thats when the aligning starts. I've inherited the nick 'metal teeth' from friends after years of having braces on the upper set of teeth, not for aligning but for other treatments.

Nice chat with the Dr. who is doing the extratcting today. Young chap, in his early 20s. Sometimes, short conversation do inspire you into something. He's definitely a nice guy chatting with.

I was thinking of going shopping alone after my dental appointment. How wonderful the thought was. The whole mouth numb just like an idiot biting onto the gauzes with blood. I gave up. So home i went.

Unintended sick leaves just keep coming. I'm living life in a blur for almost 2 weeks. Definitely, I've to get things started.

My very first step to blogging

2005-09-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

Here i am in my own blog after months of blog reading! I gotta say creating a blog is time consuming. Probably because my knowledge for this shite is 0! I'll learn along e way blogging.

My brain is'nt working well right now. So, i'll stop till e next posting. cya!